Hockey Food

The Hockey Arena Food Situation

Hockey games usually start at 7:30.  So if you live about 30 -40 minutes from the arena, it poses a dilemma of eating dinner at home quite early or eating arena fare.

The ubiquitous hot dog (of all lengths) is there, dressed anyway you like it – all beef, some beef, no beef?  It’s cousin, the sausage, medium and mildly spicy, or sweet, is also there with or without onions and peppers. And how about those turkey legs?

 Did I mention beer: tall cans, small cans, bottles, mugs?

Nachos, appear frequently, too – though I just noticed a BBQ nachos cart, which I did not stop to oogle.  Seems an odd couple, if you ask me. Did I mention a tall one?

The freshly baked sweet pretzel cart disappeared from last year, replaced by “Philly”-type pretzels and sweet pretzels, not freshly baked but heated in a microwave and kept “hot” in a glass enclosed hangar, crusty and hard.

And, speaking of Philly, there are the Philly cheese steak carts, which dish out “Philly” look-alikes, but not taste-alikes.  Obviously they have never been to Philly or lived in Philly and tasted the real deal.  Did I mention light beer, ale, bottled beer, on tap beer?

Dippin’ Dots appear, also - that freeze-dried ice cream created for astronauts in the now defunct NASA manned space mission program.  Think of all the food treats they could have come up with in the future.  Though I must say I am glad Tang went the way of the dinosaurs.  (Okay, okay! I confess, I did think it was cool when I was a kid to drink something the astronauts drank, also.)  And there is its natural cousin nearby, soft serve ice cream, in glorious twisted Matterhorn shaped mounds in waffle cones, covered in chocolate syrup, sprinkles optional.  Did I mention beer? 

Popcorn abounds in bags and souvenir logo buckets, calorie laden, neon yellow color added, so salty it could be a  salt lick in disguise. A nickel’s worth of product sells for $6.50, just like in movie theaters. Would you like some beer?  How about a chaser of warmed up pizza or burgers and fries? Another beer anyone? There are serious signs on beer stations that there is a two drink limit per customer.  Ha!  With dozens of beer stations and thousands of people, who is going to enforce that?

And best of all, this week the up and down jumping, gum chewing perpetual motion machine in front of me was not with her husband.  He brought a male guest who stayed properly in his seat, except for exceptional plays when everyone else rose to their feet.  I got to see the goals! 

Let’s have a beer, y'all.

The Hockey Game

So, I went to a hockey game last night.   

The mover: She sits right in front of me.  She's tall.  She's in motion perpetually, rocking back and forth in her seat at the first sound of music, foot-stomping, thigh-slapping, shoulder shaking motion.  She chews gum to the beat of the organ music, jowls moving in counterpoint. She claps her hands together, apart, together, apart, fingers splayed, palms turning red.  She's probably  been to Jazzercise once too often.  She shouts with a voice deeper than a Dothraki king's on a moonless night. Woooo.  C'mon.  Let's go!! Move it.  She jumps up, sits down, jumps up, sits down.  Foot taps, thighs slapped, arms clap, point, wave, shout. 

The lovers: They sit very close together, the thin and beautifully tanned blonde with her hands always somewhere on her escort - the beautifully tanned and well-muscled guy with a Miami Vice beard and pressed jeans. His head swivels as the puck moves from end to end; hers stays in sync with his face, whispering something into his ear.  Her arm on his head, his neck, his shoulder, his thigh, his hand.

The eaters:  pizza and beer, nachos and beer, cotton candy without beer, Outback 'shrooms and fries and beer, popcorn, pretzels, Dippin' Dots, hot dogs and beer, BBQ sandwich and beer. Topped off with a little beer.  And an occassional spill.

The Parents:  Two rows down are the parents without babysitters who bring exceptionally young children, who sit most of the night with their fingers in their ears or over their ears to drown out the zillion decibel sounds of the arena.  Their eyes following the Disney-like costumed mascot and the cotton candy vendors.

Oh, and did I mention that I miss almost every goal or near goal as the perpetual motion machine in front of me jumps up as soon as our players approach the visiting team's net? 

That's hockey!