Book Blurbs

So, if you are an avid reader, you also, most likely, read the book blurbs in ads on a regular basis. And, I assume, you notice that the authors who write the blurbs have long ago run out of words to describe the books they are reviewing. 

New Rule:  Authors and book reviewers can no longer use the following words...
1.  "instant classic" - I mean, classic means enduring, historically memorable, right?  How can anything instant be a classic? Isn't this an oxymoron? Besides, how many instant classics can we have in a season?
     a. "instant bestseller" - Though publishers want us to get on this bandwagon quickly, I think this description is a bit of wishful thinking.

2.  "If you only read one book ..." -  They use this one to recommend the most obscure books. (Kind of like the recent Nobel winners for Literature.  It doesn't get any more obscure than that, does it?)  And who's really going to read only one book?

3.  "Riveting" (Also, spellbinding, mesmerizing, gripping) - These words are often used in the "thriller" category and when I see them, I don't shiver. News Flash: There's going to be a macho hero (and lately a macho heroine), stilted dialogue, subterfuge, a little mayhem, a little lovemaking, and a terrific windup to the finale.  In the end, we're usually not surprised.  Mesmerizing indeed.
     a.  Sometimes riveting, et al, is used for historical books as well when they want you to think you are going to enjoy the book as much as a work of fiction.  It usually applies to very long books that the editor could not convince the author to pare down.

4.  "crafted" - Crafted means to make or produce with care.  So, I don't care whether it's finely crafted, well-crafted, beautifully crafted, or any other kind of crafted - unless it's a basket or a woven rug.   What's wrong with using "written"?  We're talking words on a page or a screen, people, not objects created out of granite or wood or steel. (I know, I know, writing is often called a craft; but is it really?)

5.  "epic" -  The Odyssey, Beowulf, the Iliad, and Don Quixote - classic epics - have morphed into Superman, John Blackthorne, John McClane,  Harry Potter.  When the word epic is used we are going to get a hero who goes on a quest, faces adversaries, returns home having learned something Important. (Like Winnie the Pooh and Piglet). Very often the hero has a heroine whom he rescues (sometimes she rescues him) and they live happily ever after - or not. Oh, yes, some important characters are going to die along the way, too.  Enter the Kleenex.

  I've got a few more forbidden words I'll dish on later, like heartbreaking, chilling, and page-turner.
I just hope you found this post to be a finely crafted, mesmerizing, instant classic.